Quote:*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* [Guys take note.]
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be
delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance
at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you
cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove
them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of
your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be
falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and
all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and
open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come
to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big,
and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do
not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I
will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in
place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me
elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know
each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of
the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you
is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at
my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many
opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is
okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little
girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished
with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to
appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you
want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter
is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting
the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do
something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a
wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank
tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and
a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong
romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain
saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter,
I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where
you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun. a shovel,
and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to
mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in
over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the
voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you
to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you
should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter
password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter
home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for
you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Thoughts about what is funny sure change when you become the daddy of a little girl. Good luck PIX they do grow up you can't stop them so take that book off her head it isn't going to keep her little.:D
LOL:lol:
No? But the 200 pound concrete blocks sure can.
Slip her some heavy metals (like lead, mercury, etc) every day, then by the time she's old enough to date, she'll be so brain dead (literally) she'll have to stay home under constant supervision to stay alive, and will be too stupid to feel pain or act on hormonal urges. Not only that, but you'll get to feed her, bathe her, dress her, all that stuff you used to do when she was a baby. As an added bonus, there won't be any lip or rebelious actions. Could being overprotective get any easier than that?
I'd make a brochure, but I know somebody would take it seriously, and a jury of morons would award them all my money.
Hmm sounds like my girlfriend's dad. He hates me so much he'll watch my computer now just to see what I do. He's logging all of my coversations with her. Has different people tell him what we're doing at school, and a bunch of other stuff.
So another words Pix, don't go that far. Put too much pressure on her she'll make bad choices just to get back at you. Oh, and get a piece of junk car for her before she turns 16. Then she'll either not want to drive, because it's ugly, or will drive carefully so the car doesn't fall apart.
You guys think I'm so old I don't remember being young also?? I know ALL the tricks of the trade! Nothing makes me any madder
than to see someone 'THINK' they are getting one over on me. It's gonna be fun in 10 years...haha.
Hmm what my mom said to me. Then I found out she was worse then I was. All I do now is just shoot guns so I'm not that bad of a child.
My gf's father likes me... it's the mother I've got trouble with. I've found with my friends who have foreign mothers that they are in charge... not the fathers. Her mother is mexican, father is white... nuff said. Not that he isn't protective when necessary, but for the most part he's lazy.
rule 8 sorta contradicts itself. . .no place where there is darkness, but a chainsaw movie is good...even though theatres are dark!
Hello.. drive-in during daylight on downers (to fit the no happiness clause).
Well as I suspected, my gf's mom doesn't like me because I'm not Chinese like them =( Plus I think it has something to do with bringing her home drunk at 3 am one night. But that wasn't my fault. Suppose that would be better than having to deal with racism :\
holy shit pix do you really have a doughter?....Well i can promise you i wouldent want to date her not cause i think she isnt good enough for me or enything but you scare me : ( and that isn't really a good thing because whatever you may think like when you were a kid thats all you wanted 2 do was have fun and or have sex that is very much the same thing of what goes on inside of a young girls head to. But if you still want to make your doughter what i would call unhappy i recomend posting that poem in really big print right in your hallway...."Would scare me off thats for sure".
I didn't allow my daughter to date until she was 17, and by that time she was to involved in getting her scholarships to have time. Also, go to every football game she ever wants to go to. If she wants to go to the mall, go with her, you or your wife. There is nothing wrong with mothers and fathers being friends with their children. There is also an organization called student venture that is awesome and they travel. At least that gave my daughter the fighting chance not to be as bad or stupid as me. Contrary to popular belief, it is not the norm to be bad., but if that is the only people you hang out with, that is all you know.
hooray for pix.
It still seems over protective. Maybe if you know your child is going to be bad then, ya dont let them go out, but if you trust your child and reward them when they are resonpsible with more freedom then you will find out that they turn out to be good people in the end. When i was 14 i could go to movies with friends and my parents just wanted to know who i was going with, and maybe even which movie, but I think they were just making small talk about wanting to know which movie. Now, I can go out, usually they like to know with who, but not always. I have no curfew and it doesnt matter if its a weekend or weekday. I have told my parents an hour before I was leaving for a concert and they just said ok. Most kids would have gotten them selves into pretty hot water with the kind of freedom my parents give me, but I have never done drugs or made them regreat the freedom they give me.
ya same here "anonymity" and i feel like if my parents did like restrict me from doing stuff that it would like make me depressed or something and i would just like do all kinds of bad shit like that just to be rebellies or to make them feel bad about not letting me have freedom or something i dont know and "jabahunt" maybe girls are diferent or something but i am 16 and a boy but if my parents wanted to go to the mall with me or go with me when i went out wow... that would be unbareable and i would probably really! really! hate my life and want to move the heck out and stuff because kids don't just go places to get stuff they also want to have fun while doing so.....like being with there friends or whatever it takes. But i really think that this is a topic that the Dr. Phill "wierd guy who thhinks he knows everything" would definetly agree with me of cours unless the child has had drug or or assosiated problems in the passt like "anonymity" was stating.