WARNING: Not for the sarcastically challenged. For external use only. Post is not a food product and should not be ingested. In the event of ingestion, consult a medical professional. Keep away from children. Post may cause suffocation in infants and should not be used to line a crib or other place where you store your children while they ripen.
Those with eyes thet don't like moving back and forth A LOT should turn back now. You have been warned. (ie. now I can't be sued for anything but slander, though doing so would be an admittance of incompetance and a dash of intrafamily gene mixing) Alternately, you can use that thingy waaaay over there ---> It's called a "scroll bar", and you can use this "scroll bar" to "scroll" to the bottom of the post, where the answers to the actual questions lie. This top bit is more of a rant.
Remember: YOU=WARNED
I don't know how some of these people walk out of the court room alive: those benches have sharp corners, and I'm not sure, but I hear the scissors are infact NOT of the safety kind (*gasp!*). Not only that, but the cycle of litigation from sueing the court for the neglegent allowance of paper capable of paper cuts in the court room, not having a proportionate jury of the stupids to normals, and futile beatings by the balif who screams while their brain trys to commit seppuku with a ballpoint pen. Somewhere, somebody must've decided to make a high-publicity prank out of something stupid, and asked a friend to act as a random person being sued, while the first guy makes up some really ludicrous story to present to the court. Unfortunately, instead of demonstrating a fictional low of intelligence, the pair just uncovered a somehow self-sustinant society of beings who sold their intelligence for a slice of pie. Rumor has it that whoever sold them the pie (bill gates?) just asked them a question, and while they tried to remember how to remember an answer, took the slice, and sold it to the next sucker-to-be. Had this kickass prank never happened, the sub-intelligent would have never taught their young how to sue, instead of self-preservation. Now whenever one trips, they sue the city for having things protruding from the ground, instead of sticking their hands out. Choking on their breakfast cereal, they would sue the dairy farmers and the cereal company for producing products without labels decreeing "CHOKING HAZARD", but they're too busy suffocating to gag, or otherwise indicate that they happen to be in dire need of a Heimlich maneuver.
I don't see the real point of allowing cases like this go anywhere. If it were up to me (and it should be<_<) I would have every court room put up a sign at the exit after the Moronic Side of The Force (plaintifs is it? bah, I'll just call them Captain Stupid and the Idiots of the Future!) wins, declaring exit of the room to cost a toll of however much they won. What are they gonna do? Sue the people who decide whether they win anything or get sentenced to a lifetime of greeting people outside a Wal-Mart? Since they only know how to sue or pay money for things, nobody loses anything, and the world is a happy place.
Although, with a cool 8,000,000 US dollars, a member of the genetic wading pool (next to the real one) could buy an intellect on eBay, and could leave their current one on cinder blocks in the front yard. Or they could get scammed by the people who lost the money the next time they go pay their subway fare or buy some chicken nuggets (now with 100% less whole chicken heads!!) at McDonalds.
*knock knock*
"Hello?"
"Hi there, I'm Mr. Guy from your power company, this months consumption was.. let's see here... ah! eight million dollars."
"Will you take a cheque?"
See? Easy as a blonde backstage at a rock show. I'm sure if you looked in their local newspaper, they would be trying to sue the neighbours kid for cutting their grass when they distinctly asked for it to be mowed, or for putting ice in the lemonade purchased at the card table 'stand', because it lodged in their throat when they forgot it's not possible to breathe while swallowing. They may even be sueing the credit card company for not issueing the new, upgraded card after the guy on the phone needed the number on their current one to properly convert the account. A fool and their money are soon parted, so somebody who'd sue over spilt coffee ought to lose the money so fast, they're in debt before they get paid.
To answer the questions,
1. No. You try to die (and fail), all you should get is psychiatric help.
2. No. No one can until there is some way of replacing defective (ie. stupid) judges (the real culprits, they make the rulings, and could easily have the lawyer put up in an asylum) with good ones (the kind who put the lawyers in asylums) like you would do to a burnt out light bulb. Hold on, a memory is surfacing... they don't use judges? Only juries composed of WHAT?! PEERS?? Well then you should be able to sue the city/state/country as often, and for as much as you want. They were obviously not only stupid first, but a whole new LEVEL of stupid first. To me, that sounds like a challenge.
Well, whatever they use,
3. Wait, didn't I answer this already?
Some more tales (well, flaming) of stupidity can be found here, at The Seanbaby Probe. For more sarcasm, be sure to check out The Best Page In The Universe
Those with eyes thet don't like moving back and forth A LOT should turn back now. You have been warned. (ie. now I can't be sued for anything but slander, though doing so would be an admittance of incompetance and a dash of intrafamily gene mixing) Alternately, you can use that thingy waaaay over there ---> It's called a "scroll bar", and you can use this "scroll bar" to "scroll" to the bottom of the post, where the answers to the actual questions lie. This top bit is more of a rant.
Remember: YOU=WARNED
I don't know how some of these people walk out of the court room alive: those benches have sharp corners, and I'm not sure, but I hear the scissors are infact NOT of the safety kind (*gasp!*). Not only that, but the cycle of litigation from sueing the court for the neglegent allowance of paper capable of paper cuts in the court room, not having a proportionate jury of the stupids to normals, and futile beatings by the balif who screams while their brain trys to commit seppuku with a ballpoint pen. Somewhere, somebody must've decided to make a high-publicity prank out of something stupid, and asked a friend to act as a random person being sued, while the first guy makes up some really ludicrous story to present to the court. Unfortunately, instead of demonstrating a fictional low of intelligence, the pair just uncovered a somehow self-sustinant society of beings who sold their intelligence for a slice of pie. Rumor has it that whoever sold them the pie (bill gates?) just asked them a question, and while they tried to remember how to remember an answer, took the slice, and sold it to the next sucker-to-be. Had this kickass prank never happened, the sub-intelligent would have never taught their young how to sue, instead of self-preservation. Now whenever one trips, they sue the city for having things protruding from the ground, instead of sticking their hands out. Choking on their breakfast cereal, they would sue the dairy farmers and the cereal company for producing products without labels decreeing "CHOKING HAZARD", but they're too busy suffocating to gag, or otherwise indicate that they happen to be in dire need of a Heimlich maneuver.
I don't see the real point of allowing cases like this go anywhere. If it were up to me (and it should be<_<) I would have every court room put up a sign at the exit after the Moronic Side of The Force (plaintifs is it? bah, I'll just call them Captain Stupid and the Idiots of the Future!) wins, declaring exit of the room to cost a toll of however much they won. What are they gonna do? Sue the people who decide whether they win anything or get sentenced to a lifetime of greeting people outside a Wal-Mart? Since they only know how to sue or pay money for things, nobody loses anything, and the world is a happy place.
Although, with a cool 8,000,000 US dollars, a member of the genetic wading pool (next to the real one) could buy an intellect on eBay, and could leave their current one on cinder blocks in the front yard. Or they could get scammed by the people who lost the money the next time they go pay their subway fare or buy some chicken nuggets (now with 100% less whole chicken heads!!) at McDonalds.
*knock knock*
"Hello?"
"Hi there, I'm Mr. Guy from your power company, this months consumption was.. let's see here... ah! eight million dollars."
"Will you take a cheque?"
See? Easy as a blonde backstage at a rock show. I'm sure if you looked in their local newspaper, they would be trying to sue the neighbours kid for cutting their grass when they distinctly asked for it to be mowed, or for putting ice in the lemonade purchased at the card table 'stand', because it lodged in their throat when they forgot it's not possible to breathe while swallowing. They may even be sueing the credit card company for not issueing the new, upgraded card after the guy on the phone needed the number on their current one to properly convert the account. A fool and their money are soon parted, so somebody who'd sue over spilt coffee ought to lose the money so fast, they're in debt before they get paid.
To answer the questions,
1. No. You try to die (and fail), all you should get is psychiatric help.
2. No. No one can until there is some way of replacing defective (ie. stupid) judges (the real culprits, they make the rulings, and could easily have the lawyer put up in an asylum) with good ones (the kind who put the lawyers in asylums) like you would do to a burnt out light bulb. Hold on, a memory is surfacing... they don't use judges? Only juries composed of WHAT?! PEERS?? Well then you should be able to sue the city/state/country as often, and for as much as you want. They were obviously not only stupid first, but a whole new LEVEL of stupid first. To me, that sounds like a challenge.
Well, whatever they use,
3. Wait, didn't I answer this already?
Some more tales (well, flaming) of stupidity can be found here, at The Seanbaby Probe. For more sarcasm, be sure to check out The Best Page In The Universe