11-29-2004, 08:47 PM
Time for the lawyer bashing to start HAHA!
There is this guy and he HATES lawyers with a passion. Everytime he is driving down the road and he sees a lawyer, he HAS to run him/her over. Well this guy is driving down the road and he sees a nun stranded on the side of the road. Well being the good samaritan that he is, he picks her up and procedes to take her to a car care place. Well along the way he spots one of those annoying lawyers you see on comercials all the time also stranded on the road. He grins like a maniac and starts to head straight for him, but at the last second he remembers the nun in the passenger seat and swurves away from the lawyer, barely missing him. He turns to the nun and says, "I almost hit that lawyer!" The nun smiles and responds, "Thats ok. I got him with the door!"
How do you prevent a lawyer from drowning???
Take your foot off his head!
A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"
A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed. A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!" The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item:
"Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn't you. --- $50.00."
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery." "Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
There is this guy and he HATES lawyers with a passion. Everytime he is driving down the road and he sees a lawyer, he HAS to run him/her over. Well this guy is driving down the road and he sees a nun stranded on the side of the road. Well being the good samaritan that he is, he picks her up and procedes to take her to a car care place. Well along the way he spots one of those annoying lawyers you see on comercials all the time also stranded on the road. He grins like a maniac and starts to head straight for him, but at the last second he remembers the nun in the passenger seat and swurves away from the lawyer, barely missing him. He turns to the nun and says, "I almost hit that lawyer!" The nun smiles and responds, "Thats ok. I got him with the door!"
How do you prevent a lawyer from drowning???
Take your foot off his head!
A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"
A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed. A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!" The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item:
"Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn't you. --- $50.00."
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery." "Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."