Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
A certain sense of alienation
#1
After an hour, the minute hand hit twenty-nine. The longest sixty seconds of his life. No time to waste as he prepares for the next round of time.
“Stop staring at the clock.” He found himself screaming in his head. But it was a little too late for that. It was burned into his retinas. Figuratively, of course.
We’re all taught to be creatures of time. Punctuality has become our religion; some sort of reining concern that none of us can get over. Of course, it is one of the more incompetent systems of organization. It functions around the basic assumption that we are not here, in the present. We were in the past, and we’re going to be in the future. It removes the possibility of having a window of perception with which we can think about our current scenario. We start our lives thnking of our future, and once it passes us by, we’re stuck in the past. What a half-assed system.
“Even the words are boring. Who the hell thought of the word ‘seconds’? Why can’t I count down the Velcroms to my death?”
He eyes the ground for a measurable response from the crowd.
“For ***I'm Stupid for Swearing***’s sake, don’t think out loud!” he lectured himself.
“I once read a study that said that heavy smokers who stopped smoking cold turkey lost all sense of time.”
“I think I’m going to start smoking.”
“Why don’t you just try sleeping? You can lose yourself in a dream you know. Very healthy…”
“Yah, but then I’ll lose my spot. Besides, I dream about clocks.”
“Bummer.”

Fifteen minutes or hours passed.

The string in his mouth was in his hands and he was playing with it. Of course it didn’t help, because he was forcing himself to pretend it was amusement. Doesn’t count.
“I could’ve stayed back, with them. It would’ve been good. Maybe I can still catch up to them.”
“Stop being a cripple.”

The doors ceased their invitation, but the thoughts didn’t. He couldn’t even see what he had become. His whole life has been a series of jumping from one burning ship to another. It looks like this will be no different. At one point it will end. He will get on one of those nice boats you see on TV shows about people who are better than you and live better lives than you. Or maybe it will be a real shitty boat, but either way it doesn’t matter because he will go a lot faster. He just needs a little space. Or a chance. Or a cigarette?
“What?”
Sorry
“Are you?”
You know the answer to that
“Stay there. Stay inside. No need to come out of there. It’s safe, it gets us places. You can do whatever you want in there as long as you stay. Just remember that to keep the both of us safe.”
I’ll do what I can. But remember, you’re the final middleman in this deal. YOU have to keep me in check.

“What is taking so long?”
Time
“Oh, yeah.”

And with great satisfaction the hand slid right into thirty. As if it was born/destined for this path/choice. But it could’ve gone to ten. It didn’t matter anymore. This was his new home; same as the rest, and they would all have to serve the same purpose anyway.
Reply
#2
Nicely abstract to the point where you don't know what's going on, but you can sense the emotion...
Reply
#3
that is the product of not sleeping last night. i dont really even remember writing that.
Reply
#4
It's cool, reminds me of sitting in class. You know you want to get out, and you stare at the clock much more. It's sad that we never want to be in the places that we are.
Reply
#5
Like they say "Sit in detention for a minute and it feels like an hour, sit next to a hot girl for an hour and it feels like a minute."


-Some Wise GuyB)
Reply
#6
i like everyone's interpretations. i guess its kind of like a blank slate, put onto it what you want.
Reply
#7
Did you have any idea about what the character was doing? or proffesion? Or did you just want to make a point?
Reply
#8
GREAT story!! Its like and every day person dreading the thought of a tomarrow every one but him seems to have everything going for them while you live out each day being nothing wanting to be others that always seem to have it all. I got alot of different thoughts from your story nice work sage.
Reply
#9
[CAKE Wrote:anonymity,Feb 10 2004, 08:41 PM] Did you have any idea about what the character was doing? or proffesion? Or did you just want to make a point?
I have a complete idea of what is going on. but that's not the point. i tried to remove all context from it.
Reply
#10
If you really want to get abstract, you could even suggest that rather than being a person, it was an object or item given life through the story... such as an atom waiting to be ejected from the bomb... or a mouse trap waiting to spring...
Reply
#11
blah! I was just in the middle of writing something. . .I had a pretty long response going on and then somehting mucked up and i lost it all. . .well anyways. . .it sounds like someone about to jump off a building, and he just sits up there thinking etc. arg. lost my train of thought. . *sigh oh well.
Reply
#12
netniV,Feb 11 2004, 10:59 AM Wrote:or a mouse trap waiting to spring...
that's a really cool way to look at it, never would've thought of that
Reply
#13
sage_4,Feb 12 2004, 03:49 AM Wrote:
netniV,Feb 11 2004, 10:59 AM Wrote:or a mouse trap waiting to spring...
that's a really cool way to look at it, never would've thought of that
That's why people think I'm insane ;-)
Reply
#14
If people think you're insane, what do they think of me?
Reply
#15
sage_4,Feb 13 2004, 05:38 AM Wrote:If people think you're insane, what do they think of me?
your normal. ?:)
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 4 Guest(s)