04-24-2004, 10:08 PM
How to get kicked out of LOTR Return of the King.
1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where
the hell is Harry Potter?"
2. Block the entrance to the theatre while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT
PASS!"
- After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone
says: "The Ring."
4. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
5. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.
6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
7. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs
sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
8. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off
someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
9. Dress up as old ladies and re-enact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty
Python style.
10. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
11. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN
FOREST, RUN!"
12. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien
about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
13. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
14. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a
nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
15. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
16. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around
looking terribly confused.
17. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for tense moment and
shout, "I see dead people!"
18. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda
would be like.
19. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theatre during the Shelob
scene.
20. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of
California.
21. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself
go!"
15 Things to do at K-Mart while your wife is taking her sweet time.
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples trolleys when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 in housewares,' and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layby.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. Stand in the queue and yell, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. While handling knives in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'.
12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!'
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the foetal position and scream 'NO! NO! It's those voices again'.
And last but not least,
15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly . 'Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!'
Posted by Lab_rat on Wednesday, October 29 @ 22:38:19 EST (116 reads)
(Read More... | 9 comments | Score: 3)
Freaks and Geeks
Hey guys, some of you reading this *might* be freaks. Not most of you (who are geeks - way better than freaks), but some. The kind of freaks that post the most bizzar stuff on eBay and end up with a winning bid of over 80 million US dollars. I kid you not. Click "Read More..." for the proof.
Posted by Barto on Thursday, October 02 @ 09:31:46 EDT (116 reads)
(Read More... | 494 bytes more | 1 comment | Score: 0)
Things to do in an Elevator
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.
1 Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"
Posted by Lab_rat on Sunday, September 14 @ 08:27:41 EDT (74 reads)
(Read More... | 1 comment | Score: 4)
PC Weenies: Tech 'toons to Celebrate your Inner Geek
Anonymous writes "Want to read a funny tech toon? Check out The PC Weenies, a family oriented tech toon, featuring the Weiners. Plenty of goodies on the site, including 5 years worth of archives, wallpapers, animations, and other cool stuff. The perfect way to kill time at work."
Posted by Lab_rat on Sunday, August 24 @ 23:25:12 EDT (48 reads)
(comments? | Score: 5)
Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
20 Can't stick their heads out of Windows XP.
19 Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18 Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to
one side.
17 Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16 Can't help attacking the screen when they hear
"You've Got Mail."
15 Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14 Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're
browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13 Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG
frisbee.
12 Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11 Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that
signifies tail-wagging.
10 Waiting for the introduction of the
Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
Click "Read More" for the rest.
Posted by Lab_rat on Saturday, August 16 @ 08:03:31 EDT (117 reads)
(Read More... | 1578 bytes more | comments? | Score: 0)
Generation X and their Office Lingo.
Blamestorming - sitting around in a group discussing why a
deadline was missed or a project failed and who was
responsible.
Beepilepsy - The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when
their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode.
Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions,
and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
Cube farm - an office filled with cubicles.
Ego surfing - scanning the Net, databases, print media, and
so on, looking for references to one's own name.
Prairie dogging - something loud happens in a cube farm, and
people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Idea hamsters - people who always seem to have their idea
generators running .
Mouse potato - the on-line generation's answer to the couch
potato.
Click "Read More" for the rest.
Posted by Lab_rat on Friday, August 15 @ 15:05:58 EDT (114 reads)
(Read More... | 5248 bytes more | comments? | Score: 0)
YCDTOTV
Remember back in the 80's a show called You Can't Do That On Television?
Barth's Burgery has episodes, information and pictures of many of the episodes.
I remember hearing many years after watching the show that Alanis Morissette was on the show.
I cast my mind back to see if I could remember what she looked like back then.
I was shocked when I saw the actuall pictures of Alanis from YCDTOTV she looked like a boy with a bad hair cut.
If you enjoy looking back at cartoons and shows from the 80's check out MiGhtY_BeaTniK's Pookey Toons.
Posted by Lab_rat on Tuesday, August 12 @ 01:18:58 EDT (38 reads)
(comments? | Score: 0)
Twenty Things You'll Never See on Star Trek - Nex Gen
The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered several times before.
The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, all of whom are perfectly all right!
The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.
The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform wearing a silly hat.
The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon which is in some way unconnected with the 20th century.
Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.
A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
The Enterprise visits the Klingon home world on a bright, sunny, day
An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."
A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.
Picard walks up to the replicator and says, "Coke on ice."
Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails.
hmm none has put up the darwin awards.
1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where
the hell is Harry Potter?"
2. Block the entrance to the theatre while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT
PASS!"
- After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone
says: "The Ring."
4. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
5. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.
6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
7. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs
sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
8. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off
someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
9. Dress up as old ladies and re-enact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty
Python style.
10. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
11. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN
FOREST, RUN!"
12. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien
about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
13. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
14. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a
nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
15. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
16. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around
looking terribly confused.
17. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for tense moment and
shout, "I see dead people!"
18. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda
would be like.
19. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theatre during the Shelob
scene.
20. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of
California.
21. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself
go!"
15 Things to do at K-Mart while your wife is taking her sweet time.
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples trolleys when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 in housewares,' and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layby.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. Stand in the queue and yell, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. While handling knives in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'.
12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!'
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the foetal position and scream 'NO! NO! It's those voices again'.
And last but not least,
15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly . 'Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!'
Posted by Lab_rat on Wednesday, October 29 @ 22:38:19 EST (116 reads)
(Read More... | 9 comments | Score: 3)
Freaks and Geeks
Hey guys, some of you reading this *might* be freaks. Not most of you (who are geeks - way better than freaks), but some. The kind of freaks that post the most bizzar stuff on eBay and end up with a winning bid of over 80 million US dollars. I kid you not. Click "Read More..." for the proof.
Posted by Barto on Thursday, October 02 @ 09:31:46 EDT (116 reads)
(Read More... | 494 bytes more | 1 comment | Score: 0)
Things to do in an Elevator
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.
1 Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"
Posted by Lab_rat on Sunday, September 14 @ 08:27:41 EDT (74 reads)
(Read More... | 1 comment | Score: 4)
PC Weenies: Tech 'toons to Celebrate your Inner Geek
Anonymous writes "Want to read a funny tech toon? Check out The PC Weenies, a family oriented tech toon, featuring the Weiners. Plenty of goodies on the site, including 5 years worth of archives, wallpapers, animations, and other cool stuff. The perfect way to kill time at work."
Posted by Lab_rat on Sunday, August 24 @ 23:25:12 EDT (48 reads)
(comments? | Score: 5)
Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
20 Can't stick their heads out of Windows XP.
19 Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18 Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to
one side.
17 Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16 Can't help attacking the screen when they hear
"You've Got Mail."
15 Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14 Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're
browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13 Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG
frisbee.
12 Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11 Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that
signifies tail-wagging.
10 Waiting for the introduction of the
Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
Click "Read More" for the rest.
Posted by Lab_rat on Saturday, August 16 @ 08:03:31 EDT (117 reads)
(Read More... | 1578 bytes more | comments? | Score: 0)
Generation X and their Office Lingo.
Blamestorming - sitting around in a group discussing why a
deadline was missed or a project failed and who was
responsible.
Beepilepsy - The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when
their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode.
Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions,
and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
Cube farm - an office filled with cubicles.
Ego surfing - scanning the Net, databases, print media, and
so on, looking for references to one's own name.
Prairie dogging - something loud happens in a cube farm, and
people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Idea hamsters - people who always seem to have their idea
generators running .
Mouse potato - the on-line generation's answer to the couch
potato.
Click "Read More" for the rest.
Posted by Lab_rat on Friday, August 15 @ 15:05:58 EDT (114 reads)
(Read More... | 5248 bytes more | comments? | Score: 0)
YCDTOTV
Remember back in the 80's a show called You Can't Do That On Television?
Barth's Burgery has episodes, information and pictures of many of the episodes.
I remember hearing many years after watching the show that Alanis Morissette was on the show.
I cast my mind back to see if I could remember what she looked like back then.
I was shocked when I saw the actuall pictures of Alanis from YCDTOTV she looked like a boy with a bad hair cut.
If you enjoy looking back at cartoons and shows from the 80's check out MiGhtY_BeaTniK's Pookey Toons.
Posted by Lab_rat on Tuesday, August 12 @ 01:18:58 EDT (38 reads)
(comments? | Score: 0)
Twenty Things You'll Never See on Star Trek - Nex Gen
The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered several times before.
The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, all of whom are perfectly all right!
The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.
The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform wearing a silly hat.
The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon which is in some way unconnected with the 20th century.
Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.
A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
The Enterprise visits the Klingon home world on a bright, sunny, day
An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."
A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.
Picard walks up to the replicator and says, "Coke on ice."
Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails.
hmm none has put up the darwin awards.